Movies!(a column written while eating popcorn, no less)

Movies and me

Movies was always totally magic for me as a child. Movies was a luxury, something symbolizing a special occation. I grew up in a tiny little community, just out in the grasp of an enourmous ocean, far away from sivilization(it felt like, we had sivilization, just a very isolated slow and frightend form of it), we had one gas station where they rented out videos, and it was a fifteen minute drive away, so my parents we're always present at the rental moment. Also, renting a video was not a ordinary event, it happend very seldom, usually just for mine and my brothers birthday. Lassiemovies became the exeption. We we're on a fleemarked(I must have been six years old i think) and mom "went a little crazy" and bought four lassie movies. We literally watched one of them to death, "Lassie and the puma(cougar?)". I think this is when my love for movies with a lot of clear colours, blue skies and beautiful landscapes were first born(wich explains why I'm still watching CSI Miami I guess, it must be the colours, cause the shows gone down the drain lately...). Then, as we grew older(my brother is two years younger, which incidentally caused me to be labeled the bad one I guess...) we started getting videos for christmas. Every christmas morning(In Norway we celibrate the 24. of desember, opening our gifts in the evening) we were allowed to open one gift each(I still do this, I'm twentyfour...), and since the time before church, dinner and then more presents tended to be a little grueling, we always rummaged through the gift for the charactheristic videoshaped ones and spent the morning watching the Disney variety, Beauty and the Beast beeing my personal favourite till this day.
But videos are one thing, going to the movies something else entirely. Aspecially where I'm from, fifty kilometers(yes, I know you yanks still go by miles, you're practically alone and it's a very strange thing to hold on to, so I don't care, go metric...) to the closest real movie theathre, going to the movies was quite the expedition, but this of course made it all the more exiting. We had some sort of cinema at home but that was for a short period of time when I was very young. There was the "community movienights", held in a public building close to my house. The floor was flat, the chairs plastic and unplesant, the place smelled of a million cigarettes, bingo nights were ususlly held there, the equipment only worked on good days and I just have one memory of a movie experience from this "theatre". But it's a big one. I can almost guarantee you have not heard of it neighter. "Chataran and Posky", a slovakian(or another easternblock country) movie about a dog and a cat, their unlikely friendship and a long travel from something bad to somewhere safe. Sounds pretty cosy? Yeah, I think everyone in the theathre thought so also, until Chataran leaves Posky(the dog). And the entire crowd is crying, kids and adults alike, that moment really stuck with me, and we still sometimes talk about that movie when I'm home. My first realization of the power of cinema.

Then there was Jurrasic Park. It's 1993, I was eleven, by this point I have already started my career as a moviebuff, my two best frieds both had much older brothers, that gains you access to a lot of movies your parents probably woud not appreciate you watching. Those lovely unsupervised afternoons eating chocolate frosting watcing violent actionflics, priceless...
And so then it came, the first movie I had waited for, I had been reading, I had found out about the project and finally it came. We drove the fifty kilometers to the theathre in the nearest town(whom was not even classified as a town in those days), mom was with us, my brother was too young to get in on this one alone and I had hyped the movie to such a level that he would never forgive our parents if he was denied the experience. The theather was totally stuffed, there were people sitting in the ailes(in the sweet times before firesafety became an issue..), and then it started, and it was amazeing. It whas THE defining movie of my childhood, and I will forever stand by it, it's a fucking glorious movie, sure, the script is surreal at times, the plotholes might fit a midsized tyrannosaurus but it does in no way matter. The scene with the glass of water in the car, the darkness, the rain, the dissapeared goat, and then... Tyrannosaurus rex, in all it's mighty glory, standing still in a flash of lightening, before tilting its head and gobling down the unfortunate goat. Sure all hell breaks loose afterwards but this is the moment that stuck with me. The timing is perfect, we know what's coming, and we are scared, but Spielberg does not fall to the temptation of just scaring us, he wants us to gasp in awe of his creation, and he makes it big time. That dinousaur still looks real today, the best special effects seen to date.
Chills down my spine. Of course I probably have severan hundred moments like that now, but there's something about that first one you know...


Movies and people

Movies are one of those social things that can tie us together or tear us a part, at least thats whats it's like for us filmbuffs, we all have those strange filmmoments, the movie we love that everyone else hated or was indiffret towards(A.I.,Vanilla Sky, Any given Sunday, The Shipping News), and we never manage to see why, the critically acclaimed movie we just don't see the appeal of(hidden dragon croaching tiger, Miami Vice, the (three)last star wars flick). Theese are, of course, the exeptions, what matters more are the movies we(ehem, most of us at least) know are universally great, which we, shallow as we are, really really hope that our friends and special someones like. The movies that might end a starting relationship if not understood or appreciated. Sin City, Reservoir Dogs, Office Space, The Usual Suspects, American Beauty, Shaun of the Dead, Scarface, Once upon a time in wherever, Casablanca, Godfellas, and so on and so forth... The movies that can make or break a friendship, the reasons we talk about movies when we have just met someone, usually some common ground is found. "Wow, you loved Anchorman to!" that kinda thing, then you have the more seldom events, like "You got Adaptation!? How cool..." The scary ones "What do you mean you don't understand Pulp Fiction? And you have watched it four times?!" And the ones which can induce a "take me now" moment... The ones where you meet someone, you talk, you realized you have seen all the same movies, obscure and commercial by some strange coincedence, and this person loves the strange stuff you love. Someone besides you whom has not only seen "The Shipping news", but likes it and realizes what makes it so great. Oh, the magic of that feeling. Yes, I'm very serios about my movies. I think it's a normal thing, like that strange feeling when you're actually at the movies. Before you go in, standing in an uneasy crowd, a little stressed by all the people milling about around you. After the movie, the people around you don't totally feel like stangers anymore, there is a comfort, instilled in us by our collective experience, and everyone seems more at ease.
Now how's that for the magic of cinema?


Movies and dating

This is a serious one, and I have to admit, it's been done far better by the good people over at Pajiba, so my headline is linking to that column, it might be sawing off the branch I'm sitting on but hey, credits given where they are earned, and theese people know smart and funny. But I will of course write something anyway. Movies enter the dating pattern early on, it's not that common of a first date phenomenon, more like second or third, but it's mandatory in those weeks spent together on one of the parties coach, talking and laughing. The first movie watched together is important, it's scary, and always difficult to choose. There's the option of something scary, often made with certain inentions, and never that wise an option to begin with, not a good sign so to speak. Neighter is the very serious european tearjerking drama a good way to go, stay away from Natural Born Killers, and other slaughterfest choices also. Choose somehing you like, don't make out to be someone you're not, and it's often a good thing to find something watched and ejoyed before. Go for fun, exiting and special, dont fall into bland variety, after all sleeping with someone to stop yourself from beeing bored silly is a strange experience at best, so just don't go in that direction. And yes, it's normal to have a affection for eightees actionflics, great for hung over sunday mornings, not the best dating flics. Also, go for something feelgoody, rather than some brutal "life is hard, here, let us show you just how hard" thing. I love "Requriem for a dream", even though it always make me cry and feel a little sick, but I would never dream of putting it on in the early stages of a relationship, aim to entertain, not traumatize. Of course, don't go to far in the other direction neighter, Jim Carrey is fun, and I have a slight hang up on his works, it's effortless fun, but not the best for dating, now "Office Space" and "Casablanca" on the other hand... (Yes, I'm speaking from experience here), are pretty much perfect. Of course "Office Space" is by far the risky of the two, it's a little strange but it fits my humor very well, and if I like someone, well, I like a certain strange kind of humor, and I really like my special someone to posess it at some degree. And yes, I know it's a little bad, but most of us might be tempted to use movies to "test" a little, you can learn a lot from someones respons to a movie, and it's acceptable in my book. Probability is that all parties will be enjoying the prosess anyway. So, I seem to be suffering a little from a slight complex, Pajibas guide to third date movies leaves little to be said, so link away, you will not regret it.


Movies and language

When it comes to this point let me just say one thing. "My preccious." Yes, movies affect the way we talk, as individuals, as groups, and some cases as a huge segment of population. My personal favourite is those innside jokes we develop as groups and couples, "Mine?" from "Nemo" being my personal litany for a while. And there's the ones you smile when you remember. The sound of someone close to me muttering, in his darkest, most buff version of Bogart, "Her's looking at you kid", a line I've since had stuck in my head. There's the times where everyone used the beformentioned "My preccious" about absolutly everything, the "Luke, I am your father!" era, the fact that I have lately developed a relationship to "It wasn't me, it was the one armed man!" all the things that tie us together. You also have the more obscure ones "Cows are gonna kill me. Bisexuals are gonna kill me. Let's get out of here, where's the elevator?" If you don't know, well then I guess you're gonna have to google off to find out now aren't you? And of course, my personal favourite: "You met me at a very strange time in my life." Said in the hoarse voice of Edward Norton, in the end scene that stuck with me forever. Just before "Where is my mind" by the Pixies starts, and the scyescrapers come tumbeling down. Fight Club, no more needs to be said.
The magic of cinema.

Miramuffin says: It's a tuesday morning, I finished the column started yesterday, I'm going to make myself a big cup of coffe and relax for a while now. Listen to female blues singers for a couple of hours, surf a little, look up some of my favourite blogs and do some light reading, sweet joys of life indeed. Today I'm leaving you a little less philosophical, I'll just tell you one thing, go see some movies will you. "The Departed" seem to be a must see, so you know what you have to do, and take someone with you, good movies loves good company.

Adaptation(not the movie)

It's a monday, they always seem to sneek up on me, I overslept quite badly, but it's a welcome change from hardly getting any sleep at all. The insomnia seems to be letting go, for now. Twelve hours of dark almost dream free sleep, I'm rested for once. Today I have some stuff to do, besides the usual writing of course. I'm helping a girlfriend dye her hair, I'll probably bake something, bread, and maybe some brownies. Just another ordinary day.

It's so strange how quickly humans adapt to changes in life, all the stuff we would never dream of happening to us, which happen anyways and become part of life and accepted in a matter of weeks. Maybe that's our real original sin, this ability to adapt to absolutly everything in a small matter of time. Good or bad dosen't make any diffrence, we will adapt to anything, and the feelings of joy or sorrow fades into our feeling of normalcy. It's probably some sort of survivalmechanism gone avry, ment to get us through periods of starvation and epidemics, but that, through evolution and generations of majore change, became part of who we are on a daily basis. And it causes everything to fade, this is what allows you to stay in a horrible place in life for a long strech of time, unable to really se the horror in it all until it's all over, the part that leaves you to ask yourself "what the hell was I thinking?" The same part that, when you look back on something really nice, makes you ask yourself the exact same question, but this time it's regarding the fact that you did not cherish what you had, you did not live each day to the fullest.
We're indeed, the strangest of mammals, so aware of who we are, and yet so unable to see what's straight infront of us. We can fight it of course, we can mirror ourself and our life towards the world around us, and see if the image fits, but of course everybody else in the world is eighter doing the same thing or probably less than clear sighted towards their life, so it can only take us so far. The better way might be looking inwards, trying to find the place inside that tells us who we are, and where we want to be, but that of course changes through time as well. Hmmm. Nobody said life was easy, guess there's about a million reasons for that. But there are some small things that can make it easier.
Learning who you are and what you wish for out of life is the first step. Learn that you decide how someone treats you, people whom are less than nice to you won't do you any good in the long run, so get some distance. You deserve better. Appreciate the small things in life right along with the big ones, stopping to smell the roses might be a worn out line but it's no less true. Take a pause, enjoy yourself, look at happy dogs playing in the park, they might have no concept of time but is concept of time such a great thing anyway? Yeah, five days a week you might have to let time be your allconsuming god but hey, when you get the chance, leave your watch at home, let time mind itself. Try and remember that the people around you, your friends and family are no given thing, not everyone is so lucky to have someone whom loves them, never forget how lucky you are. Keep in mind that there is no constant thing in life(I am repeating myself from a pervious column here, I know, but it's important ok, so just keep reading), you will never know how long something lasts, so cherish the moments.
Cause that's what life is, an uneven string of moments, good and bad, losely connected. You have a say in the whole thing, it's your life after all, but many choices will be made for you, and that's something all of us have to live with. Make the best out of it, it's given to you, free, but with a few strings attatched.

Miramuffins says: One of the philosopical ones again, just started thinking about adaptation, and that always throws me into a strange state of mind. Not a bad thing I guess. Right now I'm listening to the brilliant "Damn it feels good(to be a gangster)" from the no less brilliant "Office space". Watched it again the day before yesterday, late in the evening, with wine and company. It's one of those films you feel the need to share with someone you like, just to make them laugh(and of course you really hope they like it, otherwise you have discovered another new diffrence between them and you, and that's never plesant). My company liked it, no surprise there. I feel a new idea for a column coming on here. Ok, took a small pause to handwrite some notes for a movie oriented piece. Where was I... Yes, words to leave you with today. Live. It's all I can tell you folks, grab your life and force it into submission, nobody can do it for you. Do something new today, learn something, be kind and patient, but don't give in to much. And have lots of fun, you're allowed to.

A little something from life and a few books I would make you read if I could.

Ok, let's start of with the books. This is not a "best" list, this is four books I love because I actually changed a little bit upon reading them. Such books are rare, and I have always ment that a writers number one priority should be the act of telling a story, and worry about the world and metaphysics on their own time. There are of course exeptions to this rule, theese are some books that prove this. Books that exeede the formula, without ever leaving it.

1: Patrick Suskinds(I hope my spelling is ok here..) Perfume. It's such a dark and mezmerizing fairytale, like nothing else I have ever read. And it leaves you feeling that maybe there is some small flutter of magic in the world, maybe the exeptional and bisarre might be possible after all. It's, in very short, a story of a murder, and about growing up beeing strangely gifted and then, in the end, very, very obsessive. So dark and so beautiful, a true work of art, which will amaze and shake you upon reading. So get to it will you.

2: Douglas Couplands Girlfriend in a coma. The first time I read this one I was alone at my parents house, housesitting for a few weeks in a very short but stunningly hot summer. I was out on the porch, the sun was baking(weather that actually excuses the use of a shawl is not common in northern Norway), I was drinking coke and red wine mixed together(a drink that also needs a weather oriented excuse...), wearing shades and enjoing myself. So I read this book, and it was as if some small pieces within myself fell into place. It starts out, as so many of Couplands beautiful works, with young people, doing all the stuff young people do, while trying to find some meaning to it all. Richard, our main charachter, has sex for the first time, with his long time gilfriend Karen, it's winter, everything is seemingly normal. Then Karen falls into a coma, after confessing to having had visions of a dark future. And for seventeen years Karen stays in her coma. Life should probably have gone onwards for her friends, but it somehow dosen't, they are trapped, going nowhere slow, and the world slowly unravels for each and everyone of them. And then, Karen, along with the rest of them now in her thirthies, wakes up. So far it's a slightly tragic, very human, story, a story about not beeing at home in ones own life, but that's before Coupland upps the stakes. Because now the world ends, and as a reader you start suspecting that Coupland aims for more than recognition and humorus grief for life lost to society and boredom this time. This time he's going for the truth, straight at the core of what the world seems to be missing a bit more for everyday that passes humanity by. And it's harrowing, it's terrible, it's so much death and sorrow, and such a sacriface that must be made. But there's miracles to, and it made me laugh and cry, not many other writers can put me in that place, and none in the way Coupland does. Read it, it will scare you, and ring true, for all it's incomprehencibility. Just read it will you.

3: Xinran Xues Sky burial is one of those books that has such a captivating story that it needs nothing more to be breathtaking. But of course it's got more, beautiful scenary, mystery and desperation, a glimpse into a culture totally unknown for all but a few. In short it's the story of a chinese woman, whos husbond dissapears in Tibet in 1958. This leads her to travel to Tibet to find out what happens. She stays and searches for thirthy years. A true story, no less, written by the woman behind Voices in the night. A captivating story about love, so diffrent from other romantic writings. It will make you cry and feel wonderful in the same time. So please give it a shot, you will be better off for it.

4: Douglas Adams The hitchhaikers guide to the galaxy(the whole volume). This one should not need an explanation(please don't wach the movie and think you understand the book, I loathe you people). It's just amazeing, and it's one of those few books that shape you're humor wether you awknowlege it or not. Read it! You will have tons of fun, and who dosen't want that?
We all miss you very much Douglas Adams, you left this world far to soon, luckily you left us a lot of laughter.

So that's the books then, four good things to light a love of litterature with. What else is new then? Not much indeed, I'm still happy, going on content actually, enjoyed a pecan pastry just now, coffee on the side. Finally gaining some weight again, thanks to long nights in good company on my coach/bed(I'm a student, remember), watching movies(and my beloved show of the season, Dexter, my preccious neat monster...) and snacking, such a lovely feeling. Say what you will about skydiving and horsebackriding in the sunset, sometimes all you need is a coach, some good movies, snacks, and the perfect person to enjoy it all with. All it takes to make me very happy indeed. Yes. it's sickening, I know, and I'm thinking far less about the troubles of the world theese days to. I know it's temporary, life always catches up with us all in the end, but right now I'm happy about not caring, happy about making my own small corner of the world into a warm, locked nest, smelling faintly of incence and late night sigarettes. That feeling of having something entirely private, belonging only to you and one other person, not secret, but private, your thing, is a feeling like none other. And I have every intention of enjoying it, with no worry or regret.
Because, in the end, that's all anyone can do. We don't know what hand faith will deal us on the next turn, none of us do, all we can do is play what we're given and hope for the best. Time flies, my hair is growing long again, I'm not counting days or weeks anymore. Exept in one case. Friday the thirteenth of october a year had passed since I went out into the world on my own. One whole year has flied by, I am a year older, and maybe, with luck, a little bit wiser.

Miramuffin says: Take that chance, ask that question, face your fears. Cause life is too short, the days are to few, the moment's too soon gone and turned into memories. It's your life, and life is love, so live to love it. Pick up a kitten you meet outside and rediscover just how little emotion the eyes of a cat reveal, look into them and think about the fact that the world is big, and there's just so much we don't know. Look into the eyes of a person and rediscover how much of human language that does not involve talking, think about how small the world is getting and the enormous amount of knowlege every humanbeeing posesses. See the sun behind the rain, the stars behind the clouds, and if you're lucky and lives far north like me, watch the northern lights dance across the night sky. The world is beautiful still.

The news got me down again...

So what's up today, some news I picked up this morning: North Korea suddenly has nuclear weapons, Syria opens for war against Israel, USA suggest spiltting Iraque into three pieces(kinda like when your mom seperated you and your siblings when you were driving her mad with your arguing), and in Norway; Schoolchildren engaged in politics are more prone to conflict with their teachers. What a world we live in. I am morbidly intreagued to see where some of theese situations will go, at the same time I wish I could ignore the entire world until it starts behaving normally. As if that's ever going to happen. We're on the wrong track her folks, and we've been for quite some time, I don't now what went wrong but at somepoint in time we made a wrong turn, a really bad one. This world becomes less human by the day, we are now at a state where we develop new stuff just to do it, efficiency is next to godliness, it's the "bigger better stronger faster" complex screwing us over, once again. Growth for growth, no real progress beeing made, hostility increasing every single day, and people are becoming less and less able to identify with eachother and the world around them. We are obsessed with the individual, without beeing able to see it, I don't like words like "values" bechause most groups whom use them use them to push their own agenda and opinion, they have monopolized the word itself, but I do actually belive that a lot of people have lost their values, or never found them to begin with. Because we need more than what a lot of us are given theese days, the consumer ideology, pushed down our throtes from every angle is fake, it has no substance and it's essens lie, not in the filling of needs, but in the creation of them. Of simply creating fake needs, make you want something you probably don't need(or you would probably have had it already), and they do it for one reason, and one reason only. To make money. Money is our new god, say what you will but in the world of 2006, cash truly is king, it's a constant worry for most of us, and the accumulation of it is one of the foremost goals out there. So this is where evolution brought us? Cause to me it looks a lot more like devolution, we have reached the point when the only things we are supposed to do is work and consume, we are indoctrinated that the world is as good as it gets, that this system is perfect, but it's not. People matter far more than things ok, life is not about the accumulation of objects, your fucking tv is big enough, what do you really need? I think people need to talk to each other, I think people need to start asking far more questions and I don't think we have forever to realize this. The world is changing, our ecosystem is in trouble, and big oil is telling us to look the other way, the world is collectivly behaving like we have a new earth ready for colonization, and we don't. Will we be the generations that ruined it for everyone? The way it's looking I know which way my bet would go. Dark days might be coming before we know it, so prey it wont be to late to turn around, to whichever god you prefer. On the bright side, people are still people, and I do still belive it's more good than bad in most of us. We can prevail, but I don't think we will before we get a serious wake up call(and nature has it's scary ways...), until then, try to do your best, be kind and appreciative towards the world around us, it's the greatest place we know.

Miramuffin says: Hmm, todays column became darker than I expected, should probably give up news all together I guess, but I do love knowlege. Well, I'm a happy girl today anyways, my little corner of the world is a bright and pretty place, lately it's been far warmer than it used to be as well. The strange ways of life will never cease to amaze me, neighter will the joy of beeing human and alive. So go outside and do something pointless that you enjoy, don't ever let anybody tell you that everything you do needs to be productive. Smile, give them the finger and pity their lack of joy in life. Invent ballgames with everchanging rules, make up stories with your friends, try to teach your dog to play tennis or play with frozen fish in the supermarket. Do what you want to do.
Feeling a little better now? Hugzes:)

The perfect night out is cancelled do to existencial change of heart

Yes, I was planning to write this one yesterday. But then I got drunk with neighbours and friends in stead, I'll just call it "reasearch", and totally justefy it to myself, hah! Kidding. Considering that sentence took me five minutes, this one's not for you grammarfreaks out there, I'm not hung over, more like I'm not entirely present. Well, the perfect night out... Oh I'm bored already, there's no such thing, or there is, it just cant be planned or forced, it has to happen on it's own and no two are alike. Impossible subject, but a few things might be clever to keep in mind, people you like, alcohol you like and know(importent, experimentation can be fun but there can be unexpected consequeses involved), not drinking to much can be key, and so on and so forth... Done.

I've been breaking all the rules all the time anyways, and I have had a lot of fun in doing so, I'm not a good rolemodel. For the last year I have been partying(and living) in a slightly crazy manner, probably making up for a bit of lost time, and maybe, deep inside, because I'm getting older and it scares me. The whole "live before it's to late" philosophy always appealed to me, but lately it's been diffrent. I think I'm done. I actually reached a point where, one; it's not that much left to do, two; I got away with a lot of crazyfun impulsive stuff, never smart to push the odds, and three; it just dosen't do it for me anymore.
Don't get me wrong here, I'm not abandoning it in any real way, I'm still going to party once in a while(ore twice in a week...), I'll probably still don my life of the party coat on those special occations, or when I feel like making it a special occation, but it's not real anymore. Maybe I got tired, maybe I indeed got old before my time(as if, I still have a lot of fun, no matter what I do) and maybe it's just enough. I got wasted yesterday, but it's not buyers remorse I'm suffering from today, not hung over, got up at six AM, cleared my room and had some breakfast, feeling fine and looking wellrested for some reason. But when I look back on last night, fun as it was, (the coolest part was sitting with a bunch of people in my room, running out to make popcorn what seems like a million times and laughing a lot, behaving like teenagers, started drinking before four PM and got trashed before ten) it dosen't feel the way it used to. In all this fun I somehow kept thinking that it felt like some kind of going away party, not beeing able to place the feeling until I woke up this morning. I realized that despite the fact that I'm going to another party tonight(my brothers housewarmer, it will be a fun one I suspect) what I'm really looking foreward to is playing chess during the day(also with my brother), baking a little, and writing. Oh no, I went and got boring! "I'm looking foreward to baking"?! Who is this person? Jeez, I hardly recognize myself in this, yet, all things considered, I'm still very much the same(last time I baked I barely managed to resist an urge to stuff my face into the dough to see if it would leave an inprint of me, yup, still me) I'm just ready for change, ready for something else.
What it will be I still don't know, life is no open book and you never know what's waiting around the next turn on in time. But hey, I will be having fun, this much I'm sure of.

Miramuffin says: Run along my little minions(I love that word, minion minion minion, there, out of my system, promise), run out into the world and have some fun, enjoy life, learn something new, show someone who you are, then tell them you don't know, fun! Now I have to get baking, then chess, then party, just another ordinary day. I do love life very much. Tomorrow I'll be hyper, in some cases I have the patience of a fiveyearold and lawyerboy is coming home after a weekend away, so I'll be milling around clearing random areas of my room and the kitchen, driving my neighbours insane. This also means that tomorrows column probably will be a strange one, but hopefully amusing as well. After all, I aim to entertain;)

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I don't know how many times a day an average person is exposed to advertisement of some kind, but I think it must be quite a number by now. Most of us just tune them out on some level. I got out of bed, not to long ago(I know it's late ok, had a horrible night of slumering more than sleeping, actually slept so badly it made my teeth hurt) and I have been hit in the face by about a hundred sales attempts so far. I read a bit in a magazine while eating breakfast, about fifty attempts there, I listend to the radio, about fifteen there I think(but who's counting..), and then I went one line. Fortyfive is a kind number there, I could probably adjust that one up. Well, at least I'm not watching tv. This is something we have gotten used to, we are not all that responsive to it anymore. As a child I remember I was pusseled by all this advertisement, I think I asked my mother at one point "These products must be in trouble, why would they otherwise need all this advertisement?" My mother responded with a tired laugh and said "That's not the way it works honey." It sure ain't. As a child I actually belived there was such a thing as "enough", of course then I grew up and realized we are residing smack down in the middle of a culture buildt around the premise of "continual eternal growth", or as I prefer to call it, the "Bigger better stronger and faster economy". And there's absolutly nothing to do about this I'm afraid, the corportions are ruling the world and most of us haven't even noticed.

Well, this is probably some form of evil, but why do they have to make it even worse? Why are so much of the advertisement directed at us completly dimwitted? Example: Herbal Essense, give it a rest will you! I am not having orgams while washing my hair and I sure as hell don't have them upon seeing the result. It's was slightly fun the first time you did that one some years ago, but now it's just mindblowingly dumb. Im boycotting you already, partly bechause your advertisement sucks so badly it's painful to watch, and partly because you're products are so strongly perfumed I'm actually afraid of it. This is classic by the way, if you try to analyze a few advertisements on a basic level, sender/reciver/targetgroup and so forth, you will discover a few things. Advertisements directed at women are in most cases based on a very shallow pemise, the "Use our product and be beautiful" premise. Because that's how smart advertisers belive women to be, and considering this formula has been followed for a very long time, they might have some scary reason for thinking they are right. The diet food and beverage marked was up until recently reserved for women, with the result that these products have some of the worst adverts out there, we get the image of worrying about summer and the bikini season forcefed from early age. This must be sooo healthy. The advertstyle riding on the greatest successwave from the end of the ninetees up until now are "fun" adverts, thers a lot of sales in making people laugh apparently, I don't actually mind all that much, at least there is still a bit of creativety in theese ones. Then you have the "estetic adverts", directed at a market of consumers with to much money, theese adverts are a combination of images and music, usually not all that much about the product, it's ment to induce a feeling, usually of luxury and just how hip you can be upon buying this product. Don't really mind theese ones that much eighter, theyre not as imposing or "trying to be personal" as the next one in line...
The worst of the bunch, the one that often leave me totally disgusted: The "wellness" industry. They wont leave me alone, and they will not be resonable. "This is the miracle cream/shampoo/showergel/fuckings junk you have been waiting for!" "Feeling a little off/tired/old/heavy/confident? We'll fix it, if you just buy OUR product evertything is going to be GREAT!" Die. Die in a horrible horrible way will you. Die drowning in the pink goo you are pimping this week! I'm so fucking tired of worthless products, stuffed in nice bottles, given a "spokesperson" in "this weeks hottie star and being pushed at me from every fuckings angle. Don't read magazines, newspapers, watch tv ore use the web you say? HAHA! Not enough, I'm beeing marketed while waiting for the bus for christ sakes, even in the bus, I can't take the fucking bus to work without being subjected to several "campaigns" created(and thats a strech) by you coffeefuled satanspawns of advertisement! Why must you be everywhere I turn? And we don't want your shit ok? I'm not buying ANY product with an annoying or massive adverisementcampaign. I WILL NOT.

And to the person reading this, please spread the word, take our lives back, say no to the spawn of satan(previously known as the marketing department), just say no. See an advert that annoys you? Feel free to email the company producing it, tell them about what's going on with you for no apparent reason, sujest they buy your old VCR or such. And again, tell your friends. We will leave them alone when they return the favour...

Miramuffin says: Ah, feeling better already. And look, I'm angry me again, insomnia seems to do the trick. But I'm not just kidding neighter, they invades our space, lets all start returning that particulare favour, at least until they gives us back public transportation(we pay for it!).
Have a great friday, I might be jotting down a guide to a perfect night out a little later. Have fun, go wild, don't let the bastards get you down;)

About sex

The thought process
Somehow most of my good ideas materealize themself when I'm in the shower, this always strikes me as strange and quite annoying, because it's not like I shower with a pen and paper, so now I'm racing agains my wandering mind, repeating the idea over and over in my head in an attept to keep it. Some times I'm succsessful, sometimes I'm not, but I find comfort in assuming that the good ones don't let go. So yesterday I'm in the shower and I actually get a few good ones, and I have this little stand upish trick I do to se if it works, internal dialogue is a good thing, I try to encourage mine to float quite freely. See? This is really about writing again, but don't worry I will get to the sex part in a little while. Ok, internal dialogue, that's the little voice inside you that makes up smug, and some times really unapropriet remarks, at the strangest times, the one that the filter between your mind and mouth has as it's single job to weed out. Don't listen to the filter when you're alone, see what you get and work with it. It's more about comedy than writing I guess but I'm often trying to be funny when I'm writing, so run with it will you.

Ideas, and some badmouthing of republicans (it's a sport folks)
I get this idea, still while in the shower, when it comes to it sex is a very greatful subject, and I start thinking of the concept of roleplaying. I've got your attention now don't I? A good sexlife is a very individual thing, maybe the most individual, we didn't get the expression "concenting adults" fo no reason now did we. Consenting adults is a great thing, it means, in short, your body, your sexlife, your desicion. As long as everyone involved is grown up and "consenting"(agreeing, preferable having fun...), what you do is your busniss. Not that popular a concept among republicans for some reason, considering the number of "sexscandals" in that camp, frankly I'm befuddled. The republicans shoud have concenting adults as theire slogan by now, there should be t-shirts involved... But no such luck, these people appear to be so frightened of what goes on in their own bedrooms that they prefer to stick their noses into what goes on in other peoples. Get a life will you, you might start fewer wars that way.

The subject at hand
Back on cue, roleplaying, you can have a lot of fun with roleplaying, and can you make a lot of jokes about it as well. When roleplaying, big advantage that all people involved knows about it. I think quite a few girls out there have the sneaking suspicion there's a lot more roleplaying going on than what we are openly introduced to. For one, a lot of guys seem to be playing a secret roleplay, where sex is best if it last about five seconds. Not kidding. One missisippi, two mississipi and so on, up to five. You're a winner! Here's the kicker, if he dosen't say something along the lines of "Ehh, I'm sorry..." and the always classic, yet never quite belived, "This never happens to me..." (Yeah honey, we belive you...) then you've got a secret roleplayer on your hands. They come in many forms, this little known group concists of people whom does things in bed that strikes you as a little....strange. The people whom really wants to experiment, but in no way are they openly telling you, instead you get the fun option, the "did he just mumble what I think he mumbled?" variety. And you know it's not the best time to ask, but then that little voice inside comes up with something fun and maybe evilish and all though your filter is working, any concentration devoted to the sex that survived the mumbeling goes out the window. Or you actually start laughing, which can be fun if the person(or persons, I'm not discriminating anyone here, that's the republicans job) you're with has a sense of humor about sex, but if it's a secret roleplayer, well, laughter might induce tears. Or silent resentment, so many unplesant options, so little uncomplicated sex going on.

Sex education
I blame sex ed. Or sex education as it's full name rings. For those of you residing in red states, in a lot of places in the world, and in your country for that matter, sex is included in the carriculum in high school. Or so they say, red states, you're not missing much, exept common sense of course. I remember sex ed. For some reason there's like three things you "learn" in this class. And I should mention that in my school the sexes where separated during this particular lesson. (I sense a CLUE to the secret roleplaying issue right about here...) So what us girls got was, "It should feel right to you, this is how you put on a condom and, (and this is a good one, this one never fails to make me laugh) "If a guy says "I don't want to use a condom, it's like eating chocolate with the paper on" Then you say "Well, that's the only chocolate you are getting" in a firm voice". I am NOT making this up. I swear, in my head it plays out as if they made us girls say this line out loud, like we we're spelling together or something. This is what we are given to handle and understand sex? And people wonder why it's so fucking complicated... I am dying to find out what the boys learnt, somehow I think it was not exacly the same carriculum... The image of teenage boys collectivly saying "I'm sorry, this never happens.." in a chorus comes to mind...
So of course one of the resonable girls in my class asks a logical questions, the teachers don't like that, it's two hours out of the schoolyear, our teachers were dying to get back to the teacherslounge, have a sigarett and enjoy the fact that it's a whole year till the next time they have to go through this uncomfortable ritual(with blushing and painful silence included). And here this girl asks "How do I know it feels right?" This is a resonable question, if you we're at any point a teenager you might remember that strange feeling of beeing horny a lot of the time, preferably in weird situations, and having no idea how to handle the feeling. At least the girls have one less physical indication of "inpure thoughts"... Poor boys(ok, I'm laughing, I'm sorry, but to me, you guys having a bodypart that lives it's own life seems a little like a fun cosmic joke, concidering childbirth and such, it's just fair). Damn, lost my place again, where was I... Oh yes, horny teenagers. How do you know when it feels right? You fuckings don't ok, it's no such thing, anything might feel right at some point in time and later turn out to be a less than perfect decision. This is not a fairytail, there's no princes, white horses, perfect first times or any of the sort. What they should have told us(but of course couldn't) is that the first time you do something (this principle goes far beyond sex by the way) it's, with all probability, not going to be a great performance or experience. And what they should(and could) have mentioned is one simple sentence. (Wich incidentally is used in almost all other subjects in school) "But you will get the hang of it after a while and some practice."

So how do I get the hang of it then?
In a society obsessed with sex(I give you ONE commercial break to get on board with this one), where sex is pushed at us from every direction in every way, how the hell do you sift out the good information from the bad? Somewhere inbetween sex ed and porn there must be some kind of image of what sex is supposed to be like, some kind of manual. No such luck, I'm sorry, this is going back to something I mentioned earlier. Say it with me: Sexuality is INDIVIDUAL. Get it? People might not be unike snowflakes but there sure is a lot of variations running around out there. And when it comes down to getting the hang of sex, well there is a few things I can tell you.
First of, talk about it. This is the most importent thing, and in my perfect world it would be the only thing(besides condoms and birthcontrol of course) sex ed told young people, ok, some stuff about personal boundaries and how to demand respect for them should also be included. Yes, it's a little scary talking about sex, but it can also be a lot of fun when you get the hang of it. We hear a lot about sex in the world today but we talk about it far to little. Talk and listen, two simple things that can get you well on the way to a good sexlife. Other important stuff, don't do anything you are not comfortable with, if someone is pushing you, that person is not good at sex, he/she might think so but he/she is wrong. Once again, your body, your rules.
Second, this one might be one for the guys, I know some of you have gotten the idea that sex is an endurance sport, not so much methinks. Yes, you really should exeede the five second secret roleplay, and if you don't, there's lots of ways to make up for it, and I'm not talking about roses and the "I'm sorry..." thing. You've got hands and mouth now don't you? And this is also a game that takes some practice and listening skills, you'll get there if you put in the effort. But back to the endurance mix up, sex is not a marathon ok? You're not going for a phonecall from The Guinnies book of records. There's a lot of women out there whom has at some point been thinking(while making the appropriate sound of ejoyment, we're, after all, a strange mammal) "Will you be done anytime soon? I wonder if I've gotten any mails, did I remember to feed the cat this afternoon?" Blessed filter between brain and mouth, once again... Sure, an allnighter can be great, but not every night, sometimes we too are in the mood for a quickie.
All theese problems can be solved by talking, see the magic? Comunication people, it can get you anywhere.
Third, experimentation can be fun, spice of life and all that. But no secret roleplaying please, "I'm a bad boy, punish me" kinda disturbes the mood if mubled faintly in another direction, it gives the impression you're not all that present in the sex, or not really including your partner. Of course uttering the sentence "Do I need to teach you some manners?", appropriate as it might be at this point in time, might induce some unexpected results. People having sex with eacother should preferable be having the same sex. Now that's a sentence, damn, really didn't see that one before it was to late, and the way I'm laughing right now, there's just no way I'm taking it out. If you want to experiment tell the person you want to do it with, yes it's horrifying, and probably not the best idea on the third date(keep it simple on that one), but after a while, when you have gotten a bit more comfortable with doing nakedstuff with this person, try talking about it, sometimes the talking itself can spice up your sexlife quite a bit.
I guess that's all I can tell you, along with patience, curiosity and trust, talking and listening are the two fundamental things you need to do to qualify as good in bed. Sure there's all the tips from cosmo and all that junk, which you can figure out on your own through some talking and listening anyways. "That feels nice" You're on the right track. Oh yeah, practice... It's a given.

Miramuffins says: Now you should go ut and have some fun, smirk. Just lost two and a half hours of my day, writing makes time dissapear. Got to go, visiting a girlfriend for some lightharted tv and chatter, this is another good day, they just keep coming.
Love is life people. Good luck. Hugzes;)

I'm a grown up, but still...

Planning! We all do it to some degree, some to much, some to little, and some for the unforeseen. The last ones are not that common, In fact you will be lucky to observe one, usually they are hiding out at whatever bunker they call home. I think at some point we fall into all the categories, sometimes even on the same time. It's the campingtrips you meticulessly planned for, that was shot down by insane weather, or people canceling on you, or someone close to you having a heartattac or any of a million strange things that can be waiting around every corner in time. It's also the legendary "perfect night out", the one you buy new clothes for, and plan in detail, just to end up getting way to drunk, and then waking up in the morning, fully clothed and covered in mud after a fall induced (you assume) by "broken heal syndrome" on your shaky way home. With few memories of what has transpired, and possibly topped off with a stranger next to you. The next time you go out, it's "out for a few drinks", and you end up having a blast.
Because when it comes down to it you cannot plan life. John Lennon knew this, he did not know how horrible ironically right he wold be upon uttering the words "Life is what happens when you're busy making plans", but thats another story, he's still right.
But we plan, because we have to, friends of me joke about the fact that my tagline for a long time has been, "no plan", but we all know it's a philosopy, not a practiced in any extreme degree, just something to remember a few things.
One; you will be let down, often things don't go the way you planned for them to go. Two; plan to much and you take freedom and the joy of random happiness out of your life alltogether. Three; sometimes to much planning can make you rigid, desensitive to the world around you and the needs of others. All good things to keep in mind as one goes about ones days.
I do of course plan a lot anyways, I plan my days, and my weeks, but beyond that? Not so much. Planning too far ahead is something I try my best to avoid, the farther ahead you plan, the more moving pieces have to fall into place for things to go the way you want them to go. Planning years ahead, planning for jobs, homes, marrige, cars, golden retrivers, picket fences and children, vacations you will take years from now? Am I the only one whom sees this as really really frightening? Of course there is the things I want to do in life, I'm not living my life totally one day at a time, there's places I want to see and things I want to do, but I don't set dates. Wait until the oppurtunity presents it, then grab it and squize every last drop of fun out of it, that's the way to go. I was listening to a friend of me the other day, she was speaking about her plans. "Me and my boyfriend has been toghether for so and so long, we have to start thinking about children now, because I want them before I reach this and this age, and with such and such interwalls, and then there's his job, and my job, and we are going on vacation then and then so I can't be pregnant by then, and my inlaws thinks this is a good idea, and where are we spending christmas next year..." Help! I'm serious, help me understand this someone! Because I can not for the life of me understand this, how can anyone go from beeing a funloving and impulsive individual, through two years in a relationship, and end up at this point?! It must be true that love makes people go crazy, it sure seems that way.

Or maybe it's me that's crazy, for not understanding, or wanting this. Maybe I'm the one out of sync, with my vague dreams of white beaches, warm, lazy days with someone like me, that likes(or maybe even loves) me, and wants the same as me. Peace, fun, simplicity, random burst of happiness and a life that flows it's own ways. A life where you're not always entirely sure what country you will wake up in the next morning, because you allow yourself to listen to that little voice in the back of your head that says "Hey, that sound like fun, let's do that!" The voice I think adulthood is supposed to kill, the voice most people seem to one day just stop hearing. I don't think it dissappears, infact I think if you, reading this, would close you're eyes, lean back a bit, breathe calmly a few times, and think "What do I want to do right now?" you will hear a faint answer. Same if you ask "What do I want to do in my life?"
So why not try it? Try getting away from the "I should" path, and wander a bit on the "I want to" trail, it's usually worth it, and it will probably make you happier in the long run.

Miramuffin says: Oh how philosophical I'm feeling today... Sorry, I will return to my normal self any day now, but still, this kind of colum might be a bit more meaningful than my normal angry rantings on how the world is horrible and the people worse. Well, I was never that negative to begin with was I? Guess not, I do like to see the bright sides of life, even if the world can sometimes be a very dark place. So sit back and listen to that little voice, and while you're at it, what would the ten year old version of you have said to you if you had met(in some dimension far stranger than ours)? Are you happy? is a very good question, all though it must be treated with caution, it makes quite a few of us give in and cry if asked at the wrong/right point in time.
Go out and live your life, it's yours, and never let anyone tell you otherwise. Love life, have fun, and feel free to go a little crazy once in a while, it can be very refreshing. Good luck;)

"Snakes on a motherfucking plane"

Finally, I have seen it. And it was good, it was great in fact. There are a few of those movies that manages to get you thinking: "They couldn't possibly...yes, apparently they could. Huh, how strange and befuddling, who's in charge here? They have to be joking." The magic of unintended comedy. And SoaP must be one of the greatest unintended comedies ever made, it has absolutly everything. Spoiler alert, if you haven't seen it, eighter stop reading, or don't blame me for your lack of surprise in the theather. It begins like a classic actionflic, energic music, young guy on a fast motorbike(one of those small cross things), filmed from chopper while apparing to be going 100miles an hour, and jumping a bit, no less. And there are some pointless skinscenes, pretty girls on the beach(obligatory bikinishots all the way, we're not messing with the formula on this one), a few surfershots, just to make you realize that yes, we're at Hawaii. Our hero on his bike stops for some reason, happen to se a murder(executed with a bat, and with cocky remarks from the bad guy, sooo classic). The bad guy is this asian mafioso, we don't really get to know a lot about him, besides the typical "he likes torture!" thing, and there's a very pointless martial arts scene where we get some kind of reason for the snakeaproach to the murderproject. "It's the only way!" (really, are you serious? The hitmen of the world must be stunned...), and that's ok, everyone in the theather is waiting for the people to board the plane anyway, no need for unnecceceary explanations, get on the fucking plane!
So everybody does, we are treated to the classic disasterflic way of introducing the charachters. They have to be stereotypes or really annoying, there's no time to develop charachters, we've got snakes, on a plane! What we end up with is closer to charichatures, but that's ok, this one's not about the thespians anyway. We get the very quick introductions to charachters I, the day after I saw the movie, can't remember the names of. Exept the rapper, three G's. Wich I incedentally only remember because my company made a fun remark about it. We have three stewartesses, a stewart, two pilots(one has been given a "personality", and I won my internal bet that he would live longer than his colleague), the beformentioned rapper and his "crew", random people, a kickboxer(well why not?), a classic unplesant ritchguy, some kids, and some attractive slutty young people(of course, we want to cover EVERY moviecliche there is). Guess who's first to die...
So there's some explaining to do, it's very fast, snakes, in a huge box with a timetrigged bomb(yes, that got past the bomb dogs, one might be tempted to suggest it might be a better use of the explosives to simply take out the actual plane, but where's the fun in that...) as an opening mechanizm, feromones sprayed on leis(Hawaian flower neclacethingys), all designed to make the snakes go loco, great plan, our mafioso is a master planner it appears... So we spend a few minutes with the passagers and crew, they are milling around, some have "issues", like fear of flying, or germofobia(the rapper...), some posh lady has one of those annoying little pursedogs, she also uses the phrase "That's so hot", and if that's not a set up to make the cinemacrowd hate her and hope she dies... Well, maybe that's just me. The whole of first class have been commodeered by the FBI, or Sam Jackson I might say. Four people resorts there, our young and "surfboysexy" vitness, a sassy stewartess (whom is none to clever, and more than a little interested in getting into prettyboys cutoffs), Sam Jackson's take on the classic kickass FBI agent and his colleague, whom has not been given a personality. Uhoh, bad news for you mr FBI-man, you will not live through this, in fact I have you on my "early departure" list, along with the boring pilot and the sexyslutty young couple(wich have great bods, and no visable personality, beyond beeing horny).
So, the bomb goes of, nobody notices, it's the redeye, people are sleeping or doing marginally more interesting stuff, the crew is chatting amongst themself(oh, I forgot a "fun moment", the safety routine, including sexual connotations, gay stereotype humor, and some situational comedy). By this point I can feel the people in the theathre practically rooting the snakes on in they're minds, come on, let's see some carnage please, and hurry up allright. The sexyslutty couple sneaks into a bathroom together, shocker, didn't see that one coming a mile away did we... So here we go, nudity! And I'm not talking "wow, I think I glimpsed bit of a nipple there" nudity, no we're going full frontal, no holding back here, after all, the gruesom deathscenes and cursing pulls up the rating for age anyway, so let's see some titties. Nice ones by the way, I was a little distracted by the pornstyle of this particulare scene, and found myself wondering why they were smoking a joint while having sex. Well I guess it's importent to make the first to die "really sinful people". And yes, we know they're gonna die, along with the fact that these kind of charachters NEVER get old in horrorflics of any kind, we also get to "see through the snakes eyes", green and white, annoying more than helpful, probably ment to build some form of suspense. And here's the first genuinly insane moment in the film, it will be followed by many more but this one gives a good idea about the films "soul". When the snakes attac, one of them actually attaches itself to the girls nipple. And we get to see it! Glee... There was laughter, shocked laughter, among the audience, the wide eyed kind of laughter. And it just gets worse. There's the guy peeing... I can clearly hear the guy's in the audience twitching in their seats, and yes. Your assumption of where the snake attaches itself is entirely correct. And yes, the lines don't let us down eighter. "Get off my dick!" I'm not making this up. I was laughing pretty bad at this point, but there were a lot of sqirming going on among the male moviegoers, understandably enough. And it just keeps coming, the snakes are still not discovered by anyone not immidiatly deceased, there's the snake going up the big sleeping womans dress, her making sounds of enjoyment in her sleep... I swear, once again, I'm not making this up. The electrical system in the cockpit is shortcirquited by a snake, boring pilot to the rescue, have to go down in small, dimly lit compartment to fix the problem. We know what happends in dimly lit areas in theese movies. And no mistake, the captain kicks the bucket. One pilot down, one to go... But he fixes the problem first, nice guy that he is. His colleagues and Sam Jackson immidiatly rules hartattac and get's on with their stuff. And then all hell breaks loose. The snakes are discovered and everyone goes crazy, there's som nice trampling action going on, there are people beeing bitten(or maimed to death might be a better choice of words, the snakes, strangely, don't let go, unless the bitten is a charachter with more lines than a mere deathrattle), some guy actually gets his scull penetrated with a stilettoheel, it's not enough gore just with the snakes, we simply must have some blunt/sharp force trauma action going on to. After this it's war, close to total chaos and of course, "unlike" heroes come forth, and it's not enough with just the snakeinduced mayhem going on, they are flying into a storm! And pilot number two is bitten and tumbles down into the dimly lit compartment! The plane has no pilot! Sam J to the rescue, along with the stewartess (that's on her last shift of course)! The power's out, the passagers are arguing amongst themself and the snakes keep coming, barricades are buildt and fireextinguishers are used to defend them, the plane goes into a dive, the food and beverage carts are turned into deadly blunt objects that plows into people, Sam and Stewartess(from E.R i might add) are in the cockpit, the plane won't come out of the dive. And I'm laughing. This must be the most insane movie I have ever seen, and I've seen some strange stuff in my days. It's corpses, snakes, crazypeople, gunwaving, the whole shabang, in a continues stream. Everytime it calms down a little it immidiatly goes completly nuts again. Suddenly there's an enormous snake falling throug glass in the celing of the plane, the thing looks like a dinosaur, and the special effects(or not so special effects I should rather say...) makes homage to anaconda and deep blue sea, rather than jurrasic park. The "evil busnissman" throws the really annoying dog to it, it's devoured in seconds, and of course this little appetizer is followed by the evil busnissman himself, poetic justice anyone? Jeez... On the ground a snake expert is consulted, for antivenom and all that stuff, there's some classic shotgunaction and gunplay going on, the FBI don't mess around. Whomever wrote the lines to this epic drama should no doubt have been punished, even if the outcome of the project happend to be the best "so bad it's fucking glorious" movie I have ever seen. "Macho", and not in a good way, comes to mind... But it's all part of the fun in this case. "Do as I say and stay alive" Oh, Sam, really, this movie would have been lost without you, total malice man, that's the way to go when confronted with a script like this. Back in our plane the pilot "raises from the dead", and takes conrol of the plane again, of course Sam and Stewartess has saved it from crashing into the sea with the closest possible margin. So then everything is ok? Of course not, the snakes are still a problem but now the air is running out! Yes, that's right, the aircondition has stopped working! And now everyone will suffocate! Sam to the rescue once again, he's going into the planes internal dimly lit compartments, with a small homemade flamethrower, no less.
Here I'm baffled to remember the last time a Sam Jackson charachter "went away from the rest to turn something back on", it was all the way back in Jurassic Park. Sam was not such a household name back then, and did not return. Well, his dismembered arm showed up, but that dosen't really counts...
Better luck this time, some crawling, discoverys(the snakebox) and snakekilling later, the air is back on, everybody's happy. And friends again, this is a good sign, they have learned a valuable lesson about "working together", yeah, it's that kinda movie. We're getting close to the destination to, LAX, so does this mean we're home safe? Of course not! Something is wrong in the cockpit! Sam jimmies the door with the handy knife he found while rummaging through baggage in the dim compartments. The pilot falls out dead! Oh, no! "Does anybody know how to fly a plane?" That's an actual line. Of course sombody does, he learnt it, you will never ever guess this one, by playing flight simulator on his Playstation! Guess Sony won that biddingwar.
I'm not gonna give away the ending, but if you have seen more than four actionflics in your life, well, it dosen't take a genious to figure this one out...

So, was it worth it? Oh, yes, oh so very very much. It's glorious. I will recomend this one to anyone with any sense of humor(and a high tolerance for snakes, gore and sensory abuse, this movie is loud), because it's barrels of fun. It's complete madness from start to finish, and I give it a big chance at becoming a serious cult phenomenon, the kind that's quoted and adopted into inside jokes, amongst anyone whom has discovered the "so bad it's good"(in this case great) principle. So run out and catch this one people, it will be a while until the next one of this caliber comes along. Rememer they are expencive and unintended accidents.

Ponderings over anonymity

Anonymity, the word itself should trigger a few associations in your mind. For some it's frightening, and I don't really understand you people in any real way, I can say all those clichethings about "the need to be seen and awknowleged, the need to feel that one matters", all that stuff. But if you're not getting these needs met in your normal life, what makes you think it will get better if you get famous? Yes, some of might say im jumping subjects here, I'm not, fame is the direct oposite of anonymity, fame is the sacrifice of anonymity in exchange for, well, some form of recognition I guess, oh yes, and cash of course. Fame without money is usually all the wrong kinds of fame, the serialmurderer, serious crime, freakshow fame. Almost no one wants that(at least I hope so, I do, after all have some faith in mankind), no, if one is giving up anonymity, some reward is to be expected. Well, I guess quite a few of the millions of wannabees out there really never see their anonymity as having any value to begin with, this is the part I don't get.

Ok, here's where the problem lies on my part, have you ever had a serious nervous hangover? Most of you know what I'm talking about her, the kind of nerves that creep up on you and tries(often with great success) to cripple you socially. I think "People are strange" by The Doors gives a pretty good idea about it(yes, it's probably about drugs, but that dosen't mean it's not a good, if possibly accidental, description of a nervous hangover). You feel as if everyone is watching you, you feel they are all judging you, you feel that they think they know things... Scary. Now, my idea of fame consists of this, every single time you leave the house. Every single day. Why would anybody sane ever want this? I just don't get it, I think I never will, the ting about anonymity(aspeccially in a small country like Norway) is that when it's gone it's gone, and it's not coming back anytime soon. Beeing "of public interest" has on my mind a startling resemblence to "beeing in hell", and who want's that? Stalker is one of those hot "new" phenomenones, and in becoming really famous you kinda allow the entire world to take on a role as your stalker.

I belive a lot of people regrets becoming famous, not all of course, not by a long shot, a lot of people just enjoy the feeling of beeing "loved by all", and that's another thing I don't get, because I just can't for the life of me see the "love" aspect of the whole thing. Maybe I just don't know anything about love, but in my mind it involves such things as someone actually knowing you, seeing you as who you are and apricciating you anyway, good sides and bad. Not someone you have never met mastrubating to a poster of you...
But that's just me I guess, it sure seems that way nowadays, suddenly everyone is dying to be famous, look at the "idol" shows for one. Sure, some of the cute kids can actually sing, but I would think about ninety percent of them are there with one thing in mind. "I want to be on tv". When exacly did this become the litany of every generation after mine? I mean, we were far from perfect, we had this whole "I don't give a fuck" attitude that probably alienated our elders seriously, that whole "let the motherfucker burn" thingy probably wasn't cute, but at least we almost had an opinion, glum as it might have been. All that has changed now, it's not "I don't give a fuck" anymore, it's "I do give a fuck. About myself that is." It's like we have whole generations screaming "look at me look at me look at me!" on the top of their lungs, each louder than the next. And the only question I feel like asking is "Why?"
I'm not expecting an answer to that one any day soon.

Back on cue, there's another aspect of anonymity I have been pondering on lately, and this is where it gets a little meta(sorry about that one, but hey, once a geek always a geek...). I am writing this blog anonymously, between writing under an alias and the picture that dosen't say much, identificationally(my word, I know) speaking, I'm anonymous, and I like the feeling, the strange thing is that it allows me to be a lot more personal than I would have expected. Which recently became a bit of an issue for me.

Here's the actual reason for me pondering over anonymity slightly more than usual(I really do have a hang up on it), I'm dating theese days, someone I think is kinda great, someone whom makes me laugh and feel happy. It's a little scary in the usual grown up way, everyone is afraid of getting hurt or hurting someone, but you just have to push trough all that, and see all the good things. I have written about this stuff before, and therein lies the issue at hand. My... oh why can't anything be simple. Fine, I'll just keep calling him lawyerboy, I like it, it's catchy and I find it to be sweet, maybe not exacly superheroish but I never wanted a superhero in my life, a wanted someone curious, smart and funny, whom gets the intro of "At the bottom of everything" by Bright Eyes". I digress. Means I'm nervous, I'll admit to that. I'm nervous because lawyerboy is going to read my blog, and that's a small ending in the anonymity chapter. Suddenly someone knows who I am, of course I have friends whom know, but they have known me for a longer stretch of time. This is someone I have met after I started writing, my blog is older than the relation.
The bit that makes me nervous is that I have a tendecy to use my darker sides in theese writings, this is my cocky and slightly bitchy side, let loose, and spiced up with hints of my strange humor and imagination. And sometimes with a hint of sadness. Who wouldn't be a little nervous? And ironically I have just ended up beeing really personal again, once again, sometimes writing is far more complicated than I care for it to be...

Miramuffin says: It's one of those days again, when I'm not really that constructive and end up writing anyway, because I like it, and because the practice will always come in handy. Later I will write a rewiew of Snakes on a Plane, that will be a bowl of fun I think, laughing a little just thinking about it. So what's my words to you today... I guess I could say that you should never take anything for granted, nor accept the world as it is blindly and willingly. Mess up your language, verbe some words, it's fun and you can really personalize the way you speak that way. And if no one is annoyed, well, then you're not doing it right, or you are hanging with people you will be smart to take good care of. Have a great day out there;)

Fixing for my high, the legal variety...

Since the dawn of time humans have been trying to find some way out of our usually dull minds, alcohol, drugs, sex, and our collective obsession with love, all can be contributed to this strange mechanism. We just want to feel something diffrent, we want to get our minds of the usual track of near constant worry, so we do all these things. Alcohol is the all time winner I guess, fermented liquids have been hanging around almost as long as we have. Based on the very basic principle "If I leave this sweet liquid for a period of time, driking it will make me feel funny, juhu, let's do it again!" Of course alcohol comes with a few problems, like the fact that it kills a whole lot of people every single day. Alcoholism of course kills, so does drunk rage and drunk driving, and there's the charming option of alcoholpoisoning. But still, it's the most common form of legal, over the counter, mindaltering substance. And yes, I know a lot of you don't agree upon the "mindaltering" part, but hey, if weed is mindaltering I'm sure as hell not letting alcohol fall into another category. Fact is, neighter is mindaltering, they just turn up the volume in a matter of speaking, in very diffrent ways of course. Alcohol in the scariest way, the "over the top honest, badassed, angry/happy(depends on the day), there's no tomorrow" way. Weed in the "chill man, wow, that's like, really cool...everything makes sense man, we should really write this stuff down, but I cant seem to find pen and paper..." way. One is legal, the other is not, guess which one. Yes, the angerinducing one, we're a clever spieces...
Ok, back on cue, I can't change the laws, only point out what a lot of people smarter than me have pointed out before me. The legal high's of the world are still quite a few, there's sex, not going out of style anytime soon, hey, you can throw HIV on us as a scare, we'll just raise you with condoms, no worries, we like sex, and we're not quitting. Common knowlege. There's adrenalin, the legal drug of choice in the ninetees, when extreme sports suddenly became a houshold name. Basejumping, how cool, I just love hanging maimed from a twig in a mountainside, waiting for help, this is my chosen high and I'm not giving it up. Idiots, fucking idiots, what the hell is wrong with normal skydiving? Why do you always have to opt for the "bigger better stronger faster" option? These are the same people, whom if allowed to take drugs, would opt for heroin bechause coke just dosen't quite do it for them. Adrenalin is a great drug, it's produced by the body, much the same as the chemicals your brain lets lose in connection with sex. The ninetees were all about the braindrugs, the ultimate mindhigh, litterally. Then of course you've got caffeein, nicoteen and sugar, everyday drugs(yes, they are, as a matter of fact, drugs), wich a lot of us depends upon to get through the day, good ones, that help us endure. And eventually might kill us, but that's a worry for tomorrow.
But my chosen high(fine, I have quite a few of the legal ones covered, and I do like my endorphins and adrenaline highs as much as the next person, if we insist on beeing nitpickish) must be music, seldom has any "drug" had such a powerful moodaltering effect as music posesses. And you all know what I'm talking about here. It's like when you're in your car, heading to or from work, or some other grueling duty, and then there's this song on the radio, it might be your song(we all have a few of those), it might be a song you assosiate with something nice, a fun moment, a happy time. And for no real reason everything gets a little more okay, everything seems better, and it's just the coolest thing, suddenly you're singing(or syncing), and maybe doing some upperbody dancing, all while smiling. If it's not the other kind of song, the dreadded "brokenharted theemesong" of your life, oh no, now you are desperatly trying to change the channel while sverving into oncoming traffic, not a good thing, can really mess up ones day infact. My point beeing, music is a well working, legal, and easily avilable drug. And thanks to the marvels of modern technology you can make your own personal fix, in the form of a playlist, ain't it spectaculare folks? You know you want to...
The high, on which I'm soaring right now, includes such feelgood classics as "Theese boots are made for walking", by Nancy Sinatra, "Play that funky music white boy" by Jaaaaaames Brown, "Bad reputation" by Joan Jett and a few more. Of course there are some less classic, more personal bits included to, like my beloved "Country girl" by Primal Scream, "Sexyback"by Justin Timberlake, that I posess a surprising(to myself) hang up on, and a slightly less tasteful choice, for fun, "I've got the power" by Snap. Makes me happy and a little dancey(yes, I'm making up words again) everytime. So get into the groove, having a bad day? Music works wonders, dance around a little by yourself, make up some crazy moves, nobodys waching, your free, so have some fun with it.

Miramuffin says: Now I have to get ready for the movies with my lawyerboy(yes, petnames can go way beyond honey, sweethart, and the normal bland variety), and I'm going to se Snakes on a plane (finally, I have waited so long, stupid country, why must we be so slow?), this is a good day. A very good one, I even baked today, can you belive it? I'm not really a domestic person, so this is a little sensational, or frightening I guess. Uhoh, I just realized I posess no english vocabulary when it comes to baking... Well, it's sweet and cinnamony, and goes great with my coal black coffee. Good night and good luck, now put on some music and have some fun.

Places you don't want to be(but they seemed like such good ideas)

This is a slightly pointless one, I will admit to that up front so that all you "serious people" can get on with your buissniss and leave me alone. But here we go, a small list of places you do not want to be.

The post office.
This is an easy one, there's lots of people milling about, everyone with the same look of "what am I doing here again, why is this place so crowded, and how can I find some excuse, any excuse, to get the hell out of here and come back later, when, in my imagenation, there will be less people presant?" Hah. Never going to happen, the post office is a horrible place to be even if it's empty, the less customers, the less people handeling the customers. If you're alone in the post office I would not be surprised that you are totally alone, no cashier, no clerks, just you, milling about on your own, trying to remember why you are there in the first place. And thats another thing, you know how it is, you always wait until you really have to go to the postoffice, and then you have severale things to do there. Stamps, mailing stuff, buying envolopes, trying to get travellerschecks(you're crazy, get a visa, soon as possible), and maybe actually send a letter. Who does that anymore? I mean, you have the boxes, even if you're of the lonely bunch not mailing over the web. But still, you're there, the people around you look scared and tired, everyone is (I'm assuming now, I know) sober, and forced to do that akward social ritual, consisting of avoiding eyecontact and bumping into other people. And that's if you have the nuber system, god forbid you have to get in line, then there's that magical twenty centimeter clearing between people rule to remember, and the fact that the person behind you always seem not to have picked up on this. Fun. Also the service sometimes is really frightening, it's like they hate you, probably because you have the option of leaving, and they don't.

The bank.
This is a horrible one, the only people whom enjoy going to the bank are the ones who laugh all the way there, and nicely said, I'm not one of them. Statistically speaking, neighter are you.
So when we are going to the bank, we're not happy campers. Today going to the bank usually involves that somethong has gone wrong, we pay our bills on line(thank you so very much for that), and try to keep it simple. But then something go wrong, or you need a lone, horrible as that may be, and you have to go to the bank. And you know that they know everything about you, these people can see how you spend your money, and that's usually a not all that pleasing feeling. And of course there's that pesky social situation, much like the postal office.

Inside a car, with the wrong company.
Yes, this one sounds strange dosen't it? Well, try to be in the backseat of a car, having the joy of observing the couple in the front arguing hotly. Screaming at each other, while spicing it up with those charming, very personal, and often quite surprising, insults. Fun! Who knew... Then of course, you could find yourself beeing involved in a carargument, this is even worse, you can't leave, there's just nowhere to go, no possibility of escape. Well, besides from actually throwing yourself out of a moving veacle, not recomendable, dangerous, and in some cases, more painful than staying in the car. There's also that nice moment when you discover that the driver is paying far more attention to the argument than the road, ones position on it, other cars and unfortunate people. Sounds like a good enough reason to take the bus, or does'nt it...?

The bus!
Yes, the bus is a scary place, it's also a good place to observe some human behavioralpatterns.
For instance, did you know that right handed people have a tendency of sitting on the left side of the bus? This is why the left side of the bus fills up first, until a certain event accurs, this event is known as the "oh no, I'm not sitting next to someone" event. Every seat of a norwegian bus(if everyone on the bus are strangers to each other) sports one person(even the "deathseats", ajoining the doors), until this has happend, no one is sitting next to each other. If there is one empty double seat, that's where you are going, you might have shoppingbags, packages, anything, you're still going towards that empty seat all the way in the back. We like our space. But then there's the creepy times when you have to sit next to someone, and we have all had the "please don't be a crazy person, please don't talk to me, please just sit as far away as possible and leave me alone" moment. The "thank god I have an Ipod and a magazine, haha, I'm cut off from the world" moment. Such a beautiful thing. And that's just if everything is normal, you have all those scary things also. Like the perfect stranger that, for no reason what so ever, sits down next to you in an almost empty bus. Now that's creepy. And you are staring out the window, knowing that this person is sitting next to you, and that there's a really big chance it's going to want to talk to you. Or mumle angrily to itself, wich is no less frightening. This is when you do that quickreasoning thing "it's not that far, I could do the pingthingy, walk the rest of the way, I'll be late, but hey, it's worth it, better than staying here, confronted with clearly crazy stranger."
Ping! Because that's just how scared we are of eachother and the unknown.

Miramuffin says: Yes, it's a pointless exercice in my strange form of humor, but hey, I need to write, and this is a form of practice. Now I'm crawling into bed, watching a show or two and falling asleep. Hopefully tomorrow will be a good day, I guess it probably will, I'm pretty happy. Have some fun out there, flabbergast someone, it can be very annoying you know. Hugzes.

The enviromental corner: The calm before the storm

The last few years temperatures has been rising all around the world, we keep getting news of far from normal weatherconditions, and humanity... Well it really does not seem to mind, or even notice. This is one of the less charming traits of humanity, this ability to just completly ignore a problem, hoping it will pack its bags and silently get on its way. No such luck this time, this is not one of those pesky little issues, along the lines of "I'm not throwing out the unidentefiable piece of food from the fridge, I didn't put it there, it must be someone elses problem." This is a key problem with humanity, we have realized that most things, and most problems falls into this category. And when we are talking about such a huge problem as global climate destructions, well, it's not easy to point the finger on someone that's responsible. In other words, it's the biggest case of "someone elses problem" we have ever seen, and we are collectivly avoiding eyecontact with it. But if you should to try a little pointing of the finger... Well, there are a few good candidates out there.


Yes, you are to blame...

First, lets start off with global oil industry. Yes, it's global, the huge companys might have some nation as it's mailingadress but make no mistake, these guys are all over the place. They have operations going on practically all over the world, where there is oil in the ground, the gigants are there, pumping it up and "playing by the rules" of the particular country where the reservs are found. Isn't this a little frightning? A huge company, bending to ten to twenty diffrent sets of regulations, always having a diffrent set of ethics ready for the next big find. Small example: A very large norwegian oilcompany(we're big in oil, huge for such a small country) actually tried to explain itself out of corruptioncharges by arguing "It's the way they do it in that country, everybody does it there". It's funny bechause it's true... Of course, in small, underdeveloped countries with little ground laid when it comes to regulations and controlmechanisms, corruption will prosper and flourish, given the chance. That's why we need the big and powerful multinational oilindustry to have a constant set of ethics, so that we might have some hope of beeing part of the solution, not the problem. But no such luck. The biggest boys in this industry have economies that dwarfs those of a lot of countries, they have powerful lobbys, working their angles all over the world, thereby making their own rules, one of the clearest examples today of course beeing in the united states of A. Which brings us to my next badguy.


Denial, malice, greed or ignorance, fine diffrence...

We know, ok? You can call it war on terror, war for democracy, war against weapons of mass destruction, whatever, it's all about the oil. The hijackers from 9/11, most of them where Saudi. Sauidi Arabia is the one country the united states have come to rely on for their overconsumtion of oil. So they are safe from american skirmishes, it's that easy, no need for democracy there, who needs democracy when they're exporting oil to the united states. Iraq, now that's a whole other matter, and the americans are sure building a lot of stuff down there, considering they are planning to leave. Well, I guess that means the contracts have been signed...
And when I'm takning about the united states, what the hell is all this trouble with the kyoto agreement? Someone please explain this to me, the world joins toghether to discuss the enviromental problems and climate changes, miraculesly they mangage to draw up an agreement, and a lot of countries sign it. Everybody's happy, until uncle fucking Sam says: "This is not for us." So you don't inhabit the same planet then? Or maybe you have a new one hidden away somwhere, just for you? Because this is not the responsible choice right now, we're in the most exiting race of all time, between total oil consumtion(and the large chrises that will follow) and a total climate collaps(and the enormous global disaster that will follow).
With the oilindustry riding like a champ theese days, I guess you could say the united states are doing some inside betting, and making a killing at it, one might add. The rest of us, I guess we're left to pray that we run out of oil before it's to late, before the world turns into someplace a lot less friendly. Think you have seen storms? You ain't seen nothing yet.
The american goverment still claims not to belive in climate changes, they have the reasearch saying othervise, but that is beeing cencored by the white house. Yes, I know I sound like a conspiracytheoryfreak, I will explain. The white house demands to see all reasearch Nasa does on enviromental issues before it's published, they have also hired someone to "wash" these reports, and "put a more positive spin" on them, I'm not kidding, I don't trust a lot of sources but sixty minutes is an exeption, a very good one. The person doing this fun job had great qualifications from his last assignment. He was a leading lobbyist for oil industry.
Now that's the guy you want handeling your enviromental issues.

So enjoy the hot weather everyone, build your houses solid, and waterfront investments might not be recomendable at the moment. A new day is coming, one way or the other, so brace yourself, it's all I can tell you, I don't know what the future brings. Oil is ruling the world at the moment, and that's not about to change. Man, I got depressed writing this column, happier subject later or tomorrow then.

Miramuffin says: Goodnight and good luck, love life and live it, there are no second chances.