About sex
The thought process
Somehow most of my good ideas materealize themself when I'm in the shower, this always strikes me as strange and quite annoying, because it's not like I shower with a pen and paper, so now I'm racing agains my wandering mind, repeating the idea over and over in my head in an attept to keep it. Some times I'm succsessful, sometimes I'm not, but I find comfort in assuming that the good ones don't let go. So yesterday I'm in the shower and I actually get a few good ones, and I have this little stand upish trick I do to se if it works, internal dialogue is a good thing, I try to encourage mine to float quite freely. See? This is really about writing again, but don't worry I will get to the sex part in a little while. Ok, internal dialogue, that's the little voice inside you that makes up smug, and some times really unapropriet remarks, at the strangest times, the one that the filter between your mind and mouth has as it's single job to weed out. Don't listen to the filter when you're alone, see what you get and work with it. It's more about comedy than writing I guess but I'm often trying to be funny when I'm writing, so run with it will you.
Ideas, and some badmouthing of republicans (it's a sport folks)
I get this idea, still while in the shower, when it comes to it sex is a very greatful subject, and I start thinking of the concept of roleplaying. I've got your attention now don't I? A good sexlife is a very individual thing, maybe the most individual, we didn't get the expression "concenting adults" fo no reason now did we. Consenting adults is a great thing, it means, in short, your body, your sexlife, your desicion. As long as everyone involved is grown up and "consenting"(agreeing, preferable having fun...), what you do is your busniss. Not that popular a concept among republicans for some reason, considering the number of "sexscandals" in that camp, frankly I'm befuddled. The republicans shoud have concenting adults as theire slogan by now, there should be t-shirts involved... But no such luck, these people appear to be so frightened of what goes on in their own bedrooms that they prefer to stick their noses into what goes on in other peoples. Get a life will you, you might start fewer wars that way.
The subject at hand
Back on cue, roleplaying, you can have a lot of fun with roleplaying, and can you make a lot of jokes about it as well. When roleplaying, big advantage that all people involved knows about it. I think quite a few girls out there have the sneaking suspicion there's a lot more roleplaying going on than what we are openly introduced to. For one, a lot of guys seem to be playing a secret roleplay, where sex is best if it last about five seconds. Not kidding. One missisippi, two mississipi and so on, up to five. You're a winner! Here's the kicker, if he dosen't say something along the lines of "Ehh, I'm sorry..." and the always classic, yet never quite belived, "This never happens to me..." (Yeah honey, we belive you...) then you've got a secret roleplayer on your hands. They come in many forms, this little known group concists of people whom does things in bed that strikes you as a little....strange. The people whom really wants to experiment, but in no way are they openly telling you, instead you get the fun option, the "did he just mumble what I think he mumbled?" variety. And you know it's not the best time to ask, but then that little voice inside comes up with something fun and maybe evilish and all though your filter is working, any concentration devoted to the sex that survived the mumbeling goes out the window. Or you actually start laughing, which can be fun if the person(or persons, I'm not discriminating anyone here, that's the republicans job) you're with has a sense of humor about sex, but if it's a secret roleplayer, well, laughter might induce tears. Or silent resentment, so many unplesant options, so little uncomplicated sex going on.
Sex education
I blame sex ed. Or sex education as it's full name rings. For those of you residing in red states, in a lot of places in the world, and in your country for that matter, sex is included in the carriculum in high school. Or so they say, red states, you're not missing much, exept common sense of course. I remember sex ed. For some reason there's like three things you "learn" in this class. And I should mention that in my school the sexes where separated during this particular lesson. (I sense a CLUE to the secret roleplaying issue right about here...) So what us girls got was, "It should feel right to you, this is how you put on a condom and, (and this is a good one, this one never fails to make me laugh) "If a guy says "I don't want to use a condom, it's like eating chocolate with the paper on" Then you say "Well, that's the only chocolate you are getting" in a firm voice". I am NOT making this up. I swear, in my head it plays out as if they made us girls say this line out loud, like we we're spelling together or something. This is what we are given to handle and understand sex? And people wonder why it's so fucking complicated... I am dying to find out what the boys learnt, somehow I think it was not exacly the same carriculum... The image of teenage boys collectivly saying "I'm sorry, this never happens.." in a chorus comes to mind...
So of course one of the resonable girls in my class asks a logical questions, the teachers don't like that, it's two hours out of the schoolyear, our teachers were dying to get back to the teacherslounge, have a sigarett and enjoy the fact that it's a whole year till the next time they have to go through this uncomfortable ritual(with blushing and painful silence included). And here this girl asks "How do I know it feels right?" This is a resonable question, if you we're at any point a teenager you might remember that strange feeling of beeing horny a lot of the time, preferably in weird situations, and having no idea how to handle the feeling. At least the girls have one less physical indication of "inpure thoughts"... Poor boys(ok, I'm laughing, I'm sorry, but to me, you guys having a bodypart that lives it's own life seems a little like a fun cosmic joke, concidering childbirth and such, it's just fair). Damn, lost my place again, where was I... Oh yes, horny teenagers. How do you know when it feels right? You fuckings don't ok, it's no such thing, anything might feel right at some point in time and later turn out to be a less than perfect decision. This is not a fairytail, there's no princes, white horses, perfect first times or any of the sort. What they should have told us(but of course couldn't) is that the first time you do something (this principle goes far beyond sex by the way) it's, with all probability, not going to be a great performance or experience. And what they should(and could) have mentioned is one simple sentence. (Wich incidentally is used in almost all other subjects in school) "But you will get the hang of it after a while and some practice."
So how do I get the hang of it then?
In a society obsessed with sex(I give you ONE commercial break to get on board with this one), where sex is pushed at us from every direction in every way, how the hell do you sift out the good information from the bad? Somewhere inbetween sex ed and porn there must be some kind of image of what sex is supposed to be like, some kind of manual. No such luck, I'm sorry, this is going back to something I mentioned earlier. Say it with me: Sexuality is INDIVIDUAL. Get it? People might not be unike snowflakes but there sure is a lot of variations running around out there. And when it comes down to getting the hang of sex, well there is a few things I can tell you.
First of, talk about it. This is the most importent thing, and in my perfect world it would be the only thing(besides condoms and birthcontrol of course) sex ed told young people, ok, some stuff about personal boundaries and how to demand respect for them should also be included. Yes, it's a little scary talking about sex, but it can also be a lot of fun when you get the hang of it. We hear a lot about sex in the world today but we talk about it far to little. Talk and listen, two simple things that can get you well on the way to a good sexlife. Other important stuff, don't do anything you are not comfortable with, if someone is pushing you, that person is not good at sex, he/she might think so but he/she is wrong. Once again, your body, your rules.
Second, this one might be one for the guys, I know some of you have gotten the idea that sex is an endurance sport, not so much methinks. Yes, you really should exeede the five second secret roleplay, and if you don't, there's lots of ways to make up for it, and I'm not talking about roses and the "I'm sorry..." thing. You've got hands and mouth now don't you? And this is also a game that takes some practice and listening skills, you'll get there if you put in the effort. But back to the endurance mix up, sex is not a marathon ok? You're not going for a phonecall from The Guinnies book of records. There's a lot of women out there whom has at some point been thinking(while making the appropriate sound of ejoyment, we're, after all, a strange mammal) "Will you be done anytime soon? I wonder if I've gotten any mails, did I remember to feed the cat this afternoon?" Blessed filter between brain and mouth, once again... Sure, an allnighter can be great, but not every night, sometimes we too are in the mood for a quickie.
All theese problems can be solved by talking, see the magic? Comunication people, it can get you anywhere.
Third, experimentation can be fun, spice of life and all that. But no secret roleplaying please, "I'm a bad boy, punish me" kinda disturbes the mood if mubled faintly in another direction, it gives the impression you're not all that present in the sex, or not really including your partner. Of course uttering the sentence "Do I need to teach you some manners?", appropriate as it might be at this point in time, might induce some unexpected results. People having sex with eacother should preferable be having the same sex. Now that's a sentence, damn, really didn't see that one before it was to late, and the way I'm laughing right now, there's just no way I'm taking it out. If you want to experiment tell the person you want to do it with, yes it's horrifying, and probably not the best idea on the third date(keep it simple on that one), but after a while, when you have gotten a bit more comfortable with doing nakedstuff with this person, try talking about it, sometimes the talking itself can spice up your sexlife quite a bit.
I guess that's all I can tell you, along with patience, curiosity and trust, talking and listening are the two fundamental things you need to do to qualify as good in bed. Sure there's all the tips from cosmo and all that junk, which you can figure out on your own through some talking and listening anyways. "That feels nice" You're on the right track. Oh yeah, practice... It's a given.
Miramuffins says: Now you should go ut and have some fun, smirk. Just lost two and a half hours of my day, writing makes time dissapear. Got to go, visiting a girlfriend for some lightharted tv and chatter, this is another good day, they just keep coming.
Love is life people. Good luck. Hugzes;)
Somehow most of my good ideas materealize themself when I'm in the shower, this always strikes me as strange and quite annoying, because it's not like I shower with a pen and paper, so now I'm racing agains my wandering mind, repeating the idea over and over in my head in an attept to keep it. Some times I'm succsessful, sometimes I'm not, but I find comfort in assuming that the good ones don't let go. So yesterday I'm in the shower and I actually get a few good ones, and I have this little stand upish trick I do to se if it works, internal dialogue is a good thing, I try to encourage mine to float quite freely. See? This is really about writing again, but don't worry I will get to the sex part in a little while. Ok, internal dialogue, that's the little voice inside you that makes up smug, and some times really unapropriet remarks, at the strangest times, the one that the filter between your mind and mouth has as it's single job to weed out. Don't listen to the filter when you're alone, see what you get and work with it. It's more about comedy than writing I guess but I'm often trying to be funny when I'm writing, so run with it will you.
Ideas, and some badmouthing of republicans (it's a sport folks)
I get this idea, still while in the shower, when it comes to it sex is a very greatful subject, and I start thinking of the concept of roleplaying. I've got your attention now don't I? A good sexlife is a very individual thing, maybe the most individual, we didn't get the expression "concenting adults" fo no reason now did we. Consenting adults is a great thing, it means, in short, your body, your sexlife, your desicion. As long as everyone involved is grown up and "consenting"(agreeing, preferable having fun...), what you do is your busniss. Not that popular a concept among republicans for some reason, considering the number of "sexscandals" in that camp, frankly I'm befuddled. The republicans shoud have concenting adults as theire slogan by now, there should be t-shirts involved... But no such luck, these people appear to be so frightened of what goes on in their own bedrooms that they prefer to stick their noses into what goes on in other peoples. Get a life will you, you might start fewer wars that way.
The subject at hand
Back on cue, roleplaying, you can have a lot of fun with roleplaying, and can you make a lot of jokes about it as well. When roleplaying, big advantage that all people involved knows about it. I think quite a few girls out there have the sneaking suspicion there's a lot more roleplaying going on than what we are openly introduced to. For one, a lot of guys seem to be playing a secret roleplay, where sex is best if it last about five seconds. Not kidding. One missisippi, two mississipi and so on, up to five. You're a winner! Here's the kicker, if he dosen't say something along the lines of "Ehh, I'm sorry..." and the always classic, yet never quite belived, "This never happens to me..." (Yeah honey, we belive you...) then you've got a secret roleplayer on your hands. They come in many forms, this little known group concists of people whom does things in bed that strikes you as a little....strange. The people whom really wants to experiment, but in no way are they openly telling you, instead you get the fun option, the "did he just mumble what I think he mumbled?" variety. And you know it's not the best time to ask, but then that little voice inside comes up with something fun and maybe evilish and all though your filter is working, any concentration devoted to the sex that survived the mumbeling goes out the window. Or you actually start laughing, which can be fun if the person(or persons, I'm not discriminating anyone here, that's the republicans job) you're with has a sense of humor about sex, but if it's a secret roleplayer, well, laughter might induce tears. Or silent resentment, so many unplesant options, so little uncomplicated sex going on.
Sex education
I blame sex ed. Or sex education as it's full name rings. For those of you residing in red states, in a lot of places in the world, and in your country for that matter, sex is included in the carriculum in high school. Or so they say, red states, you're not missing much, exept common sense of course. I remember sex ed. For some reason there's like three things you "learn" in this class. And I should mention that in my school the sexes where separated during this particular lesson. (I sense a CLUE to the secret roleplaying issue right about here...) So what us girls got was, "It should feel right to you, this is how you put on a condom and, (and this is a good one, this one never fails to make me laugh) "If a guy says "I don't want to use a condom, it's like eating chocolate with the paper on" Then you say "Well, that's the only chocolate you are getting" in a firm voice". I am NOT making this up. I swear, in my head it plays out as if they made us girls say this line out loud, like we we're spelling together or something. This is what we are given to handle and understand sex? And people wonder why it's so fucking complicated... I am dying to find out what the boys learnt, somehow I think it was not exacly the same carriculum... The image of teenage boys collectivly saying "I'm sorry, this never happens.." in a chorus comes to mind...
So of course one of the resonable girls in my class asks a logical questions, the teachers don't like that, it's two hours out of the schoolyear, our teachers were dying to get back to the teacherslounge, have a sigarett and enjoy the fact that it's a whole year till the next time they have to go through this uncomfortable ritual(with blushing and painful silence included). And here this girl asks "How do I know it feels right?" This is a resonable question, if you we're at any point a teenager you might remember that strange feeling of beeing horny a lot of the time, preferably in weird situations, and having no idea how to handle the feeling. At least the girls have one less physical indication of "inpure thoughts"... Poor boys(ok, I'm laughing, I'm sorry, but to me, you guys having a bodypart that lives it's own life seems a little like a fun cosmic joke, concidering childbirth and such, it's just fair). Damn, lost my place again, where was I... Oh yes, horny teenagers. How do you know when it feels right? You fuckings don't ok, it's no such thing, anything might feel right at some point in time and later turn out to be a less than perfect decision. This is not a fairytail, there's no princes, white horses, perfect first times or any of the sort. What they should have told us(but of course couldn't) is that the first time you do something (this principle goes far beyond sex by the way) it's, with all probability, not going to be a great performance or experience. And what they should(and could) have mentioned is one simple sentence. (Wich incidentally is used in almost all other subjects in school) "But you will get the hang of it after a while and some practice."
So how do I get the hang of it then?
In a society obsessed with sex(I give you ONE commercial break to get on board with this one), where sex is pushed at us from every direction in every way, how the hell do you sift out the good information from the bad? Somewhere inbetween sex ed and porn there must be some kind of image of what sex is supposed to be like, some kind of manual. No such luck, I'm sorry, this is going back to something I mentioned earlier. Say it with me: Sexuality is INDIVIDUAL. Get it? People might not be unike snowflakes but there sure is a lot of variations running around out there. And when it comes down to getting the hang of sex, well there is a few things I can tell you.
First of, talk about it. This is the most importent thing, and in my perfect world it would be the only thing(besides condoms and birthcontrol of course) sex ed told young people, ok, some stuff about personal boundaries and how to demand respect for them should also be included. Yes, it's a little scary talking about sex, but it can also be a lot of fun when you get the hang of it. We hear a lot about sex in the world today but we talk about it far to little. Talk and listen, two simple things that can get you well on the way to a good sexlife. Other important stuff, don't do anything you are not comfortable with, if someone is pushing you, that person is not good at sex, he/she might think so but he/she is wrong. Once again, your body, your rules.
Second, this one might be one for the guys, I know some of you have gotten the idea that sex is an endurance sport, not so much methinks. Yes, you really should exeede the five second secret roleplay, and if you don't, there's lots of ways to make up for it, and I'm not talking about roses and the "I'm sorry..." thing. You've got hands and mouth now don't you? And this is also a game that takes some practice and listening skills, you'll get there if you put in the effort. But back to the endurance mix up, sex is not a marathon ok? You're not going for a phonecall from The Guinnies book of records. There's a lot of women out there whom has at some point been thinking(while making the appropriate sound of ejoyment, we're, after all, a strange mammal) "Will you be done anytime soon? I wonder if I've gotten any mails, did I remember to feed the cat this afternoon?" Blessed filter between brain and mouth, once again... Sure, an allnighter can be great, but not every night, sometimes we too are in the mood for a quickie.
All theese problems can be solved by talking, see the magic? Comunication people, it can get you anywhere.
Third, experimentation can be fun, spice of life and all that. But no secret roleplaying please, "I'm a bad boy, punish me" kinda disturbes the mood if mubled faintly in another direction, it gives the impression you're not all that present in the sex, or not really including your partner. Of course uttering the sentence "Do I need to teach you some manners?", appropriate as it might be at this point in time, might induce some unexpected results. People having sex with eacother should preferable be having the same sex. Now that's a sentence, damn, really didn't see that one before it was to late, and the way I'm laughing right now, there's just no way I'm taking it out. If you want to experiment tell the person you want to do it with, yes it's horrifying, and probably not the best idea on the third date(keep it simple on that one), but after a while, when you have gotten a bit more comfortable with doing nakedstuff with this person, try talking about it, sometimes the talking itself can spice up your sexlife quite a bit.
I guess that's all I can tell you, along with patience, curiosity and trust, talking and listening are the two fundamental things you need to do to qualify as good in bed. Sure there's all the tips from cosmo and all that junk, which you can figure out on your own through some talking and listening anyways. "That feels nice" You're on the right track. Oh yeah, practice... It's a given.
Miramuffins says: Now you should go ut and have some fun, smirk. Just lost two and a half hours of my day, writing makes time dissapear. Got to go, visiting a girlfriend for some lightharted tv and chatter, this is another good day, they just keep coming.
Love is life people. Good luck. Hugzes;)
posted by Miramuffin at 9:30 AM
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