Just another ordinary day

So, I'm sitting here, midnight just passed me by and I can't sleep. Nothing new there, insomnia's always been a friend of mine, so to speak. Listening to Springsteen when you're alone and it's late probably isn't the best idea but right now I don't really care. Yesterday I ventured out with a bad feeling, this usually subsides after a beer or two and some mildly interesting conversation, but not yesterday. It was like I just woke up in a world that still sleeps, thousends of people out drinking, none of them really knowing why, just casually sosializing over a few, ore more, beers, maybe looking for a special someone, ore someone not so special at all. Ouch, just got into "Linda let me be the one", and suddenly remembered Bruce is getting divorced, yikes that was unplesant. Must change music... Back on point, we're all going out, never really asking ourself why, just for fun is probably the best answer out there. So what about that point when it's just not fun anymore? Guess I reached that point yesterday, I had one beer, the place was packed with people, some I knew, some I didn't and suddenly none of it seemed to matter. I had to get out, not a panicattac, chill people, it did in no way get that bad. I just felt totally isolated, the world suddenly went completly meaningless, people kept milling around bumping into eachother(and me I might add), the music was loud and familiar, I was even in my present favourite bar, home to many fun and happy moments, and still, I had to leave. Out on the street there was people everywhere, I felt obliged to say hi to a few friends, completely on autopilot by this point, every conversation felt rehersed and I found myself strangely fascinated by the feeling. How many of us is out there just going through the motions, not really present in our lives any more? This is what I was thinking about as I made my way to the 7/11 for some rations, spending a saturday night home alone is a little scary, so some comfort food felt neccesary. Drunken people where roaming around everywhere, how drunk do you have to be to whistle after someone, ore yelling "great ass"? I guess I shoud ask someday, now that woud be a conversation. But not one for yesterdays mood so I just shot a couple of meanspirited looks and went on my way, the 7/11 was hell of course, but compared to the way over it was relaxing. God I pity the clerks, everyone of them gets the same glazed look after a while, the patented "going to that quiet place inside" look. No wonder, feeding the drunk really is no walk in the park. I got my stuff and started on my way home, trying to take the road least travelled, unfortunately this seemed to encourage faith to mess with my head. I pass by ONE bar on this route, a old favourite of mine, so I turned to take a look to see if it's got a crowd this night. And who else do I see than the guy who broke my hart, kissing some girl up against the wall. Amazeing, when exacly did my life turn into some country and western tune!? Is this in any way a normale way for the world to behave? For something like three seconds I just stood there staring, actually considering walking over to say hello, just to see if it would fuck up his night. (Probably not by the way, he's a clever one, the kind whom introduces you as "an old friend of mine".) Of course I didn't, I turned around and kept walking home, not even bothering to change into the comfortable shoes I carry in my purse the nights I go out in heels. It's a while to walk and I'm very greatful I've got my beloved Ipod on me at all times, music might not save a drowning night but it sure dosen't hurt. When I finally arrived at home I was really angry and very tired but I still sat down and wrote for a while(I promised you stuff about writing now didn't I..), I got to full pages before I decided I was way to tired, and went to bed. Today I woke up very late, after a rare night of heavy sleep and just went about my buissniss as usual. It's sunday so that's not very much, relaxing and heckling my beloved neighbours, watching some trash tv too of course(we finally got our Norwegian version of unanonymus, it's pure evil tv and I'm seriously hooked already...). I finally caved in and read the stuff I wrote yesterday and to my total surprise it's probably the best work I've ever done. Huh. I'm a little befuddled by this... Misrable, tired, angre and a bit depressed I have somehow managed to come up with my best pages yet? Fuck! Does this mean I have to be miserable from now on? Damn, writing is far more complicated than I care for it to be.

Oki, not very useful column today, I know. And hah! I don't care, I had fun writing it. I'm adding a totally unrelevant link to this because I can't, for some reason, make the links appear on the side of my blog. The link is to one of my favourite blogs, the one whom made me decide to get my own, the guy writing it is brilliant. So enjoy.

Love is life people, and don't ever forget it.
Miramuffin says good night and good luck.